Friday, January 22, 2010

More About Me

• I am a runner and I run everyday, usually around five or six miles.

• I do not fit the typical profile of the typical binge eater in that I am not very overweight. I am 5’6” and my highest weight (non pregnancy weight) hovers around 180. My all-I-Can-Eat weight paired with not exercising hovers in the upper 160s. My lowest weight was in the upper 120s, which was too thin for me.

• My ideal weight? Probably in the 130s. The body image side of me says lower 130s. The smarter side of me realizes upper 130s is probably healthier.

• I gain and lose weight alarmingly fast.

• I can gain ten pounds in about two weeks. Yes, I realize some of this is water weight, etc. But still, it is possible for the scale to make a big jump, which usually derails me.

• When I derail, I reeaaaaaally derail. I can get off track and stay off track for months. During this time I will struggle daily with binge eating.

• Typical cycle: Binge eat one day; starve myself the next; normal eating on day three. Wash, rinse, repeat.

• I have two young daughters.

• It is shocking how much I can eat and not feel sick. Shocking.

• I do not make myself throw up, but don’t think I haven’t thought about it. I wish I could. How sick is that? But I won’t cross that line.

• My biggest issue is not derailing for long periods of time. If I mess up ONE meal, one snack, or make one tiiiiiiiny mistake, I punish myself, in a way, by continuing bad eating for, oh, MONTHS. Yes, I am that unforgiving of myself.

• I am keeping on the down-low for now. Not sure if I can or will reveal myself. I have another blog, with pictures and names and all that, but for now, I am just a Binge Eater with a secret blog.

• I live in the Big City. We also have a home in the Big Country, where we spend our weekends. This is important to know because it affects my eating.

And now, what I am looking for:

• I really want to create a community of bingers here. I want to find other people like me who suffer with this. I want us to reach out to each other and help each other, just by being an ear to listen. Or a blog to read.

• I really want to get this binge eating under control. This IS within our capabilities. It truly is. I know I can do this, but I will need to make some big adjustment. For example, I need to learn how to not set my mood by the number on the scale. I will need to learn balance and moderation. I will need to stop looking in the mirror and hating what I see. That’s easy. Right?

I made it through yesterday eating clean and not binging. It’s a start, right?


  1. I don't want to take over your blog, but commented on the last post and then read this one! Our stats (height/weight max-min) are almost identical. I too, workout consistently. Once you let yourself binge-your body has experienced its 'high' and then, yes, so so hard to stop. I recently looked over Kay Sheppard's website, have you seen it? She recommends no wheat, sugar, or other 'triggers.' If you binge, one thing I have learned over the years, don't restrict the next day, as hard as it is, eat healthfully. But you must eat. The cycle will repeat.

  2. hey glad I found your blog. Going to explore more. I have section dedicated to binge eating disorder on my blog and openly talk about my battle with it! It is still a struggle...Thanks for being so open

  3. Please feel free to take over this blog with comments! I want to hear other's opinions and experiences and all that. I'm off to check out this Kay person!

  4. Kay's website worries me - there's so much restriction and rules. I know everyone is different, but for me at least, this would spell disaster and a period of this would lead to a binge.

    Theresa is right - do not restrict the next day! Take it easy, eat those healthy foods you naturally crave, but I wouldn't count calories or watch intake too closely.